Re: [fast5] Re: Emotional sabotage?

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Re: [fast5] Re: Emotional sabotage?

Everyone's going to have an opinion here. Here's mine!

Look, Fast5 is not a religion, and it's not a die-hard rigid-strict regimen. It's a tool to help you gain a better understanding around how your body processes energy, and how you can use that knowledge to reduce the amount of stored fat that you carry around. To me, it's as simple as that.

From a social standpoint, it's important to keep in mind that sharing a meal is one of the primary ways that we interact as human beings. It's a communion with other people, and when you choose not to engage in that communion, people are going to process it differently -- ESPECIALLY if they themselves have their own body issues to contend with! Some people will be totally understanding, some will resort to emotional subterfuge to undermine you (because some people only know how to make themselves feel less inadequate by doing that), and others will just feel that your more concerned about your body than you are about sharing your life with them - because subconsciously, sharing a meal is symbolic of sharing your life with others. It's not an obvious thing, but psychologically it's important to keep that in mind, at least in my eyes.

For me, it's a quality of life issue. So, I broke my cycle to have a meal with someone I care about (or a really good meal) . . . . Oh no! I've ruined my routine! I need to go to caloric confession! I'm a bad person because I'm overweight! For many of us we lived with that sort of self-damaging mindset and that's why we got so big to begin with.

The way I look at it is just that if I'm going to break my cycle for a meal with someone, fine - but it's generally only going to be once a day, so it's only going to take a day to get back on track. Besides -- we're all smart people. Fast5 is not the only way to regulate your intake you know? Of course we've all got our issues (I'm a binge-eater myself), but still, for me the joy of Fast5 is not about having some structure that I have to adhere to no matter who thinks what, but that it provides me with a better understanding of how my body operates in its food/energy relationship, and that allows me to approach things from a knowledgeable approach instead of a fictional one.

If a meal is important to someone, it's important for me to show them where they lie in my priority list. It goes both ways -- people that feel that I am important to them will also respect my approach and between the lot of us, there is a balanced quality of life and that should be the focus for me -- not how my butt looks in these jeans. :-)

Okay, done ranting and procrastinating. Back to work!

Phil

(PS: my own update: from being 430 pounds or so in 2001, down to around 230 when I started F5 earlier this year, down to about 205 now -- but that's with a few pounds of added muscle (started the gym back in 2006). Cardio and weight training along with F5 methodology really seems to work well for this talking gorilla! )

--- On Thu, 9/3/09, carolyn_graff <zgraff@charter.net> wrote:

From: carolyn_graff <zgraff@charter.net>
Subject: [fast5] Re: Emotional sabotage?
To: fast5@yahoogroups.com
Date: Thursday, September 3, 2009, 10:46 AM

I would just keep sticking to your program and to your window. I find that the longer I do this, the fewer the comments and the more accepting others are of my way of eating. Give it some time and hopefully, your friends and family will get used to it. Stay strong!

--- In fast5@yahoogroups. com, "anusarabetty" <anusarabetty@ ...> wrote:
>
> Hi everybody,
>
> I've been following Fast-5 for a couple months, and overall, I love it. My main challenge is not with the diet itself, but with the attitudes of the people close to me - friends, family, boyfriend. It's not that they're outwardly critical (frankly, I couldn't care less if they think I'm nuts), but rather that they become personally offended if I don't want to eat with them. My boyfriend gets upset if I don't want to go out for breakfast, and my friends are mad if I don't want to get a drink at 11pm (my hours are 4-9pm).
>
> The thing is, I try to be as accommodating as possible - I'm always perfectly happy to go along to a restaurant or bar, or to suggest an alternative activity and way to spend time together without focusing on food, but they're almost never interested in my suggestions, and they become hurt and disappointed that I won't eat. It's like their own personal enjoyment of their dining or social experience depends upon my consumption, and I don't understand it.
>
> Frankly, I think they're being pretty selfish to make me responsible for their happiness. I refuse to feel guilty about sticking to my guns and following through with a goal that makes me happy and feeling great. Sometimes, though, I do cave in just to appease my friends and avoid the conflict - not to mention, the constant temptation being shoved in my face is quite a challenge for my willpower.
>
> Has anyone had success in dealing with this issue? I don't want to alienate anyone or create conflict, I just want to be left alone about my personal diet choices, and to stop being sabotaged with their emotional blackmail! What's a tactful way to handle this with people close to me?
>