Matthew,
I saw my brother rejected by our Father first for his red hair + then for a thyroid condition that caused him rejection both at school + at home. The problem was that it was not my brother who wasn't good enough. Once he got away from his father he graduated suda cum lade from UW and then finding that field not to his liking, he got a job as an apartment manager + lived on rice + beans + lentils + vegies to survive while he took a. By mail course on computers. After finishing the course, he went up to UW hospital computer center and asked them if he could show them what he could do for them. After this presentation of how he could help them, they told him to write up a job description, make a test, set the wage he would earn, pass the test + show up for work as soon as possible.
Having been both my brother's protectors throughout our childhood, now I am the one my father considers to be inadequate + he disowned me until I would get a job and keep it for a year and call him back. He constantly puts me down to others in the family as a disgrace to him. Again, it is he who was wrong. My injuries are multiple and real. I got them serving my country and have been fighting over 16 years for help from the VA who constantly want to tell me I'm the problem + even though my military medical records + even recent doctors reports show proof that these injuroes occurred in-service the shaming + rejection goes on and on.
Just like our Father, your Father was the one who was inadequate in helping his son to feel valuable as many folks who "get it" feel for you here. He was wrong, whether by selfishness or the ignorance of his knowledge, but it is possible for those who have suffered such horrors + shocks as you have to find those who "get it". You survived all this torture and are stronger than your father ever was.
I hope you consider what these -- this new family--tells you, because they truly seem to value your person. Sometimes we have to let go of toxic families that are poisoning our lives and find others whom we, thru our experience of suffering, can be a valuable + strengthening member. Then we can find that our lives + all we've been through have made us into the exceptional people we've become. You have great strength because many others wouldn't have made it through your experiences. Don't let your father continue to control how you think of or value yourself beyond his grave. He lived his life. Now you are free to make the best of yours despite any obstacles in your way. You've already faced the hardest things seemingly imaginable. Now is the time to make new lists of what You want to do with Your Life. This family is going to need someone with the strength + perseverance you have. For the next guy or gal- you have the experience + ability to show them where you've been + that it's possible to find the real you that. made it thru.
Sincerely~jenandsha
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
-----Original Message-----
From: "Matthew Ford" <matthewford@
Date: Tue, 28 Jul 2009 23:24:10
To: <epilepsy@yahoogroup
Subject: [epilepsy] Re: Suicide
Trust me... I wish I could move, but finances get in the way.
I keep trying to find work , but I'm classed Unemployable for Public Safety
Issues.
They say.... The Safety of Thousands is more important than the pleasures of
just one."
My Dad is a registered GP/Surgeon and for so long, he made all the decisions
around my medical treatment. For example I had a Vasectomy done and all he
needed was his own signature (being the parent) to legally perform the
operation.
When I turned legal age, I got my own doctor and my Dad was furious hoping
to keep me away from stuff like sex. His opinion was "What he doesn't know,
won't hurt him!".
When I talked about getting my own place, he put me into a Home for the
Handicapped. While everybody in the outside world got on with their lives,
I was restricted to whatever the Care Home had planned for us.
In there, I met a woman who also has epilepsy, and being supportive towards
each other, we went from being understanding friends into lovers when she
pulled me close and I experienced my first real kiss! It was great, but I
was taken to court for it. I was told it doesn't matter if she and I were
falling in love with each other.
Legally, the rules say that if a person has a disability, consent for such
an action must come from their parents. Since I hadn't called her parents to
obtain their permission to be friends with their daughter, I'm guilty of
sexual assault, as they say kissing is sexual.
The Judge said I needed counselling, so I was sent to the Sex Offender
Program to learn how the Law claims people with disabilities are legally
children inside and... Children cannot give consent. I was told it was okay
when we were just friends, but when we kissed, I crossed the line.
Feels more like I'm guilty for trying to be normal, when my medical records
prove I'm not.
Matthew Ford
Victoria, BC, Canada
(North-West of Seattle, Washington)
[Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
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