Tammy,
I agree with everything you said.
1. I think women are more willing to get help, counseling, or join a
support group. That way they do meet people and with counseling learn
about handles they can use when feeling down or angry.
2. I think men are afraid of rejection-- but we are also. If when you
find someone you like - be a friend for quite a while. But be friends
with lots of people. Volunteer doing something that will get you in
contact with people. Don't stay home. Home can be a lonely place.
3. If you aren't' married-- join a singles group. At one time I was in
3 singles groups. Singles groups are not necessarily a place to find a
partner. I was membership director for Parents Without Partners for a
few years. I always told them that this is not a dating group. This
is a place you can go to do something while you are going thru whatever
you are going thru. And if you do find someone -- that is icing on the
cake. Singles groups have dances, discussions, breakfasts, etc. Get
involved!
If you are married go with your family or find friends to do what you
like to do.
Millie
> Tom, I was so sorry to read your really down message. You usually use
> your wonderful sense of humor to get through tough times, but
> sometimes that's not enough, I suppose. I'm going by memory as I
> don't have your email attached, but it seems as though your primary
> issue is that you long for a long-lasting partner, someone who loves
> you for the man that you are. Also, it sounds like you feel that no
> one around you understands or cares about how low you are feeling
> right now.
>
> I'm not going to pretend that I have all the answers for you. From
> what I recall, you are a mature adult with a good deal of life
> experience, so my sharing what I have learned about life probably
> isn't anything you don't already know. I will say that sometimes it
> does feel like there is no one who cares or understands, and that is
> a good time to seek out a support group or to get involved with a
> class or volunteer work, something to put you in touch with other
> people and to give you something to focus on, something to look
> forward to. I realized some time ago that I actually enjoy planning a
> vacation as much as I enjoy going on the vacation itself. Having
> something to look forward to can really lift your spirits, so I do
> encourage you to find something that you look forward to doing,
> whether it be something small like a weekly class, or a longer term
> thing like planning to taking a trip six months or a year down the road.
>
> On the relationship front, I know you have had love interests before,
> and you seem like an interesting person with a great sense of humor.
> I'm sure that there are a lot of women who would be interested in a
> man like yourself. Just put yourself out there in your community. Get
> to know people, even on a casual basis. Being alone just makes
> depression worse, and even getting out and interacting with people on
> a very casual basis can help to lift your mood, even if only
> temporarily. And my guess is that if you do this, eventually you will
> find someone who is interested in you, and vice versa.
>
> One thing I've noticed on this list is that the men here seem to have
> more problems finding or keeping a love interest than the women do.
> Of course, this is just a generalization, and there are exceptions in
> both directions. But noticing that pattern got me to thinking. Is
> there something different about being a man with epilepsy vs a woman
> with epilepsy. I'm going to throw a couple of guesses out there, but
> I'd be interested in other peoples' ideas or theories. One thought I
> had is that men may feel that they need to be "the strong one" in a
> relationship, and so being dependent on someone else makes them feel
> like they are "less than a man." I've heard several guys here talk
> about "what woman would want a relationship with a man who is more
> like a child." to paraphrase. Women seem to be better able to accept
> help when they need it without having it lower their self-esteem.
> Maybe this is a hold-over from the stereotypical roles of the strong
> male helping the frail female with the hard things in life.
>
> If you want to talk sometime, email me privately and I'll send you my
> phone number. And just to be upfront, I'm happily married for 26
> years and am not looking. ;-)
>
> Take care,
> Tammy
>
>
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