Tom, I was so sorry to read your really down message. You usually use
your wonderful sense of humor to get through tough times, but
sometimes that's not enough, I suppose. I'm going by memory as I
don't have your email attached, but it seems as though your primary
issue is that you long for a long-lasting partner, someone who loves
you for the man that you are. Also, it sounds like you feel that no
one around you understands or cares about how low you are feeling
right now.
I'm not going to pretend that I have all the answers for you. From
what I recall, you are a mature adult with a good deal of life
experience, so my sharing what I have learned about life probably
isn't anything you don't already know. I will say that sometimes it
does feel like there is no one who cares or understands, and that is
a good time to seek out a support group or to get involved with a
class or volunteer work, something to put you in touch with other
people and to give you something to focus on, something to look
forward to. I realized some time ago that I actually enjoy planning a
vacation as much as I enjoy going on the vacation itself. Having
something to look forward to can really lift your spirits, so I do
encourage you to find something that you look forward to doing,
whether it be something small like a weekly class, or a longer term
thing like planning to taking a trip six months or a year down the road.
On the relationship front, I know you have had love interests before,
and you seem like an interesting person with a great sense of humor.
I'm sure that there are a lot of women who would be interested in a
man like yourself. Just put yourself out there in your community. Get
to know people, even on a casual basis. Being alone just makes
depression worse, and even getting out and interacting with people on
a very casual basis can help to lift your mood, even if only
temporarily. And my guess is that if you do this, eventually you will
find someone who is interested in you, and vice versa.
One thing I've noticed on this list is that the men here seem to have
more problems finding or keeping a love interest than the women do.
Of course, this is just a generalization, and there are exceptions in
both directions. But noticing that pattern got me to thinking. Is
there something different about being a man with epilepsy vs a woman
with epilepsy. I'm going to throw a couple of guesses out there, but
I'd be interested in other peoples' ideas or theories. One thought I
had is that men may feel that they need to be "the strong one" in a
relationship, and so being dependent on someone else makes them feel
like they are "less than a man." I've heard several guys here talk
about "what woman would want a relationship with a man who is more
like a child." to paraphrase. Women seem to be better able to accept
help when they need it without having it lower their self-esteem.
Maybe this is a hold-over from the stereotypical roles of the strong
male helping the frail female with the hard things in life.
If you want to talk sometime, email me privately and I'll send you my
phone number. And just to be upfront, I'm happily married for 26
years and am not looking. ;-)
Take care,
Tammy
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