Hi..haven't been around for a while (to the Group; to Whomever else I forward this to..yeah I'm here); I'm very messed up; my exterior..the image I project..the Reality is catching up to me real fast.
Very tough day for me emotionally; and my mum takes everything as a dig..a personal attack. I Cannot talk with family. That just compounds the problem and it becomes problems (plural). Being in Nova Scotia right now...without insurance...
I don't Trust any of these Eggheads anyway...and the one educated person I would open up to isn't here today!
Five days a week that person stops by Mum and Dad's in a non-official capacity (family) visit...BOOM.
And I have no access right now to cannabis to stop this spiral of emotion (Sorry I can't give a Poop Who may be Offended..YEAH.
What the hell am I doing?
I'm trying to live my life as a normal regular guy, and then this reality catches up to me..and I'm between a rock and a hard place.
There's no substance behind the image.
This isn't like regular 'clinical' depression, this IS reality coming back to bite me on the ass...and it's Serious.
Meeting friends and Especially Ladies...they are looking for and Expecting a Man...not a child who hasn't a pot to piss in..with "mummy and daddy".
I see my 'instincs' to live as a regular guy, as just natural and normal. But I delude myself into thinking that I can..that I am.
I have NO business out there meeting Ladies who expect a man, not call mummy and daddy's and get asked, "Tom JR?"
I have NO business inviting friends from Mass to come here and tour and visit..not MY place..Mummy and Daddy's place; friends whose lifestyle aren't as 'Vanilla'..or straight as Fairy Tale Land would expect.
(not that I'm gay~but I do have gay friends)
I'm scared Crapless and Praying that some friends Don't take me up on an invitation to come for a visit; my friend Jeannie has breast cancer...and just like a stupid flying flippin' Idiot..I invite her and some others.
And now... Oh Crap!!!
What the bloody hell did I do?????
God Almighty! I can't go on like this!
I'm lost...I'm not me..I live in an un-healthy environment.
Emotional Volitility~~
My mum is so freakin' Depressed tonight...and it's My Fault!
I just couldn't help it..I let something slip out..the Freudian Slip.
I can't believe I'm actually going to say this...I am Not suicidal..I am Not!
I wouldn't just go and hurt myself.
I pray to God..next Big Status attack..ER..
God..just let it go.
This is too overwhelming.
I Can't Say a Bloody Word without causing the world to End.
I have SEEN the reaction of ladies when it comes out; not so much as having a seizure ...but being a Man/child...
I'm a GUY...I've SEEN it.
My mum wouldn't know squat about it...she's in her seventies..in herown world..she's lived her own life; my dad is just on the sidelines off in his own world.
I don't know what I'm going to do. Conversely, What Have I done...being a fool.. a jerk...a moron.
It's Not me.. it's the lives I've effected Now.
Embarrased, Ashamed...Upset with myself for being Impulsive and not THINKING!!!
Even Just Being In This predicament; I can't win the freakin' lottery...but I won the jerk..moron lottery.
You got the point.
Thomas
____________
From: Julie Hope <epilepsyhealth@
To: epilepsy@yahoogroup
Sent: Friday, June 19, 2009 10:40:28 PM
Subject: Re: [epilepsy] Re: Relationships and Epilepsy
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