Hi Wallie -- I guess I would caution you before categorizing yourself as having food issues of any kind, as David said. I do not want, in any way, to discount your struggle, but I wonder how much of it was/is caused by the media message about what you "should" do or feel.
When eating the wrong way, I would describe myself exactly as you did. There wasn't enough food to make me feel full, and I constantly ate candy, chocolate, desserts, then chips or other salty foods -- you name it, I ate it, and lots of it. But I knew this wasn't normal, because I'd been fortunate that I had an earlier experience in life where I didn't feel that way. Like you, I read diet books, self-help books, and paid lots of money for programs (including behavioral therapy) trying to figure out why I did it and how I could stop it. Was it emotional reasons? Was it the food I was eating? Carbs? Sugar? What????
For me, it turns out that I was eating too often. Changing that one thing solved the problem for me, though I did take into account other things I had learned about my body along the way. Since it sounds like you've been on FF for a while, there may be another factor going on for you. It seems that you usually break your fast at 9 am with juice. I do know that I'm sensitive to sugar, including natural sugars like juice, so I would personally not break my fast with something so high in sugar. I usually break my fast with nuts that have been soaked and dried. Or I will have a leftover piece of meat or some chicken salad, or eggs. My window is 3-8 pm, so most often it's nuts, as I'm usually away from home at 3 pm. During my window, I try to balance protein and carbs, not by counting grams or anything, just in theory. For instance, when I do have dessert, it's after a meal that includes meat and veggies, and maybe a little starch. If I'm not having dessert, I'll have a larger serving of potatoes or rice or whatever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is to relax a bit and quit beating yourself up over your choices. You've already learned that eating less often is good for you. Now, it sounds like you need to fine-tune and adjust your thinking. Try to pay attention to how the foods make you feel, particularly your appetite. Maybe for a short time, you could write down what you're eating and rank your cravings and appetite. Then you could see patterns of how certain foods or types of foods affect you. You could also write down your thoughts about food and see if that anxiety contributes to cravings and increased appetite. You say that your weight is normal, even eating desserts, being a "hard-core chocoholic," and being a "quantity eater." So maybe those things are OK for you, and you can let go of the anxiety that it's wrong.
My motto is that I am fortunate to have the choice to either eat exactly what and how much I want or to cut back so I can achieve my goal of slimness, which helps me enjoy other parts of my life (fashionable clothes, ability to do active things, intimacy, etc.) Many people don't have that choice (think kids without enough food), so I enjoy it either way -- rejoicing in the flavors of the food and my ability to indulge, or appreciating the lightness I feel when I eat less (and the periods of fasting). I know this sounds a little preachy, but I don't intend it that way. This approach truly helps me feel comfortable with whatever choice I make. For me, this way of thinking, coupled with the physical and mental benefits of FF, takes away the anxiety and allows me to be rational about it and enjoy food as part of a full life.
I hope you can learn to trust that you have the ability to determine how best to feed your body and how best to feed your soul when it comes to food. Although there is lots of information out there, it is often conflicting. No one is better equipped than you to decide how you should eat. You are an experiment of one with results tailored to your body.
Susie
--- In fast5@yahoogroups.
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> Thank you, Susie. If I could get to the point where "berries" (with anything on it) would suffice as a dessert, that would be great.
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> I'm a hard core chocoholic and a quantity eater.
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> I try to keep my 5 hour window between 9 and 2. I have an optional 1/2 cup of apple juice (if I can remember) in the morning with liquid vitamins mixed in and then one big meal at lunch. Even with desserts, this has kept my weight down to a "normal" looking range, but definitely not to weight I "want" to be. I use the word "want" loosely, because if I truly wanted to be there, I assume I would be.
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> I have no peace of mind at the moment. I keep searching for answers, anything that will help.
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> Sincerely,
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> Wallie
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