Tim,
Can you take some classes, do volunteer work,
join a singles or an EP group? There are lots
of things you can do --even though you can't drive.
Do you live alone? How do you get your groceries
or anything else you need? Have tried a bike, or
a taxi? Is there a bus close to where you live?
Millie
> Kevin,
>
> Although, I have good relationships before I quit driving in '98, I
> was diagnosed with epilepsy in'74 but, I kept driving illegally for
> twenty-four years. I live in Maryland which requires that drivers not
> drive for six months after having a seizure. For the last thirty-five
> years since 17 y.o. I've had complex-partials along with other types of
> seizures which have always been refractory idiopathic uncontrollable
> epilepsy. Now since '98 when I stopped driving because I was sick and
> tired of wrecking and rebuilding cars, I'd always been real lucky in that
> there was never another car involved in my accidents. The driver of
> another vehicle would get an attorney who may see that this was caused by
> me having a seizure and then maybe finding out that I'd always been having
> at least one every 3-4 weeks. Afterwards the attorney may decide that I
> shouldn't have been driving in the first place. Then
> afterward my insuranc
> of having never informed
> seizures, they wouldn't
> now it would be personally. Without driving I can't even date or better,
> and epilepsy is the reason.
> Tim < tbb1@prodigy.
>
>
>
>
> ____________
> From: Kevin <kevluvskats@
> To: epilepsy@yahoogroup
> Sent: Friday, June 26, 2009 8:23:09 PM
> Subject: [epilepsy] Re: Relationships and Epilepsy
>
>
>
>
>
> Women are more willing sure, but men have no place to go. I have searched
> between NY and LA only to find out men are supposed to bear their burdens
> and be strong. If a man has a sprained ankle some coaches will let him
> know, you are a Man not a coward so get in there and play. Men need groups
> like that TV show Starting Over, I sure do, but none are to be found.
>
> We are absolutely afraid of rejection, and growing up, after a few times
> of being rejected when we are just being our natural selves, then to avoid
> it, we start trying to figure out, What does she want? Let me see if I can
> be what she wants, etc... so we wind up actually being Professional Actors
> who don't just do it according to given scripts but we are actors daily.
> Women have often thought (by misinterpretation of certain scriptures) that
> the men are the hunters and the women are to be found (hunted) problem
> with that is Hunters use Baits, Traps and Lures, just to catch their prey.
> Once caught no need for any of that so they remove it and you wind up with
> a different guy than the one you dated. We certainly don't want to be
> rejected so we have a habit of just trying to morph ourselves into what we
> think the other person is looking for, in order to avoid rejection which
> will eventually find its way to us.
>
> Be friends with lots of people??? sounds good but what woman would accept
> a man she has an interest in or likes a lot having many friends. I often
> run into that problem through the last 3 decades. People are selfish,
> posessive, and do not like to feel as if their person of interest will be
> there today and gone tomorrow so he or she seems competetive with other
> persons. Doing what he or she can to ward off the others, in fear that
> another person who may just be acquainted with the him or her, in time may
> become a good friend, special friend or even best friend. Its crazy, but
> I've read more than 70 books about Relationships, Friendships, Types of
> Friendships, Dating, Courting, Going Steady, Divorce, the benefits of
> Divorce, Marriage, ReMarriage, and all the Chaos of relating to the
> opposite sexes. The most complex goal in the world is to Love someone and
> be loved equally. We pursue love in the world of Fantasy and are not
> prepared for the different
> outcome which Reality sets before us.Its not as easy as movies and tales
> we've been told make us think. It is very very difficult.
>
> Volunteering is good, but only if you can find something of your interest.
> Back in 1996-2001 I used to do Calligraphy for 4 different schools in
> Stone Mountain GA. It was wonderful and I got paid by some teachers as
> much as $350.00 for doing 250 differnt diplomas, awards, honors, etc..
> Yet, today when computers have more than 2,000 fonts, people don't need
> that anymore so my skills won't be of good to no one but myself. I used to
> voluntarily landscape 13 houses on my block that were owned by elderly
> people I grew up with, yet, they are deceased, gone, new neighbors are not
> social, and no one around here doesnt need that any more, so I struck out
> there also. Most of the people I meet are not exactly as much of a cat
> lover as I am so I can't do what I used to do which was be the attendant
> of a senior neighbor who was 70 and I was 40, and he had 21 cats. When he
> was in the hospital he would put his house key in my mailbox which was
> saying, Take care of my
> cats for me. So I would play with them, feed them, brush them and they
> actually bonded more with me than him. He is deceased and the shelter
> took the cats and a new neighbor is there.
>
> Home isn't that lonely. I turn Home into my own world sometimes where the
> front door is the north pole and back door is south pole. Doing anything I
> wish, listening to whatever music I want, dancing around the house, eating
> whatever I think of, not having to be accountable to anyone for every move
> I make or decision of mine. Home can be a Botanical Garden (the way I
> usually keep it) or a junk yard, but its all my choosing. Things don't go
> that way when another persons opinions and feelings have to be considered.
> One neighbor had a terrible yard,and when she wasn't home I went in,cut
> the lawn, weeds, dug up some evergreens and hedges and transplanted them,
> took some flowers from my yard and went to the nursery and bought more.
> When she came home she didn't recognize her house, but when she figured
> out that it was me, she gave me full authority over her yard and told me
> to do anything I want with it and she started to just give me $50.00 per
> month straight
> through the year. Things for me have changed,because those people are not
> here so opportunites also are gone. I still have lots of energy but
> nothing of my interest to use it on.
>
> Signed, Housekat, aka Kevin G. Knight
>
> --- In epilepsy@yahoogroup s.com, mylmy@... wrote:
>>
>> Tammy,
>>
>> I agree with everything you said.
>>
>> 1. I think women are more willing to get help, counseling, or join a
>> support group. That way they do meet people and with counseling learn
>> about handles they can use when feeling down or angry.
>>
>> 2. I think men are afraid of rejection-- but we are also. If when you
>> find someone you like - be a friend for quite a while. But be friends
>> with lots of people. Volunteer doing something that will get you in
>> contact with people. Don't stay home. Home can be a lonely place.
>>
>> 3. If you aren't' married-- join a singles group. At one time I was in
>> 3 singles groups. Singles groups are not necessarily a place to find a
>> partner. I was membership director for Parents Without Partners for a
>> few years. I always told them that this is not a dating group. This
>> is a place you can go to do something while you are going thru whatever
>> you are going thru. And if you do find someone -- that is icing on the
>> cake. Singles groups have dances, discussions, breakfasts, etc. Get
>> involved!
>>
>> If you are married go with your family or find friends to do what you
>> like to do.
>>
>> Millie
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> > Tom, I was so sorry to read your really down message. You usually use
>> > your wonderful sense of humor to get through tough times, but
>> > sometimes that's not enough, I suppose. I'm going by memory as I
>> > don't have your email attached, but it seems as though your primary
>> > issue is that you long for a long-lasting partner, someone who loves
>> > you for the man that you are. Also, it sounds like you feel that no
>> > one around you understands or cares about how low you are feeling
>> > right now.
>> >
>> > I'm not going to pretend that I have all the answers for you. From
>> > what I recall, you are a mature adult with a good deal of life
>> > experience, so my sharing what I have learned about life probably
>> > isn't anything you don't already know. I will say that sometimes it
>> > does feel like there is no one who cares or understands, and that is
>> > a good time to seek out a support group or to get involved with a
>> > class or volunteer work, something to put you in touch with other
>> > people and to give you something to focus on, something to look
>> > forward to. I realized some time ago that I actually enjoy planning a
>> > vacation as much as I enjoy going on the vacation itself. Having
>> > something to look forward to can really lift your spirits, so I do
>> > encourage you to find something that you look forward to doing,
>> > whether it be something small like a weekly class, or a longer term
>> > thing like planning to taking a trip six months or a year down the
>> road.
>> >
>> > On the relationship front, I know you have had love interests before,
>> > and you seem like an interesting person with a great sense of humor.
>> > I'm sure that there are a lot of women who would be interested in a
>> > man like yourself. Just put yourself out there in your community. Get
>> > to know people, even on a casual basis. Being alone just makes
>> > depression worse, and even getting out and interacting with people on
>> > a very casual basis can help to lift your mood, even if only
>> > temporarily. And my guess is that if you do this, eventually you will
>> > find someone who is interested in you, and vice versa.
>> >
>> > One thing I've noticed on this list is that the men here seem to have
>> > more problems finding or keeping a love interest than the women do.
>> > Of course, this is just a generalization, and there are exceptions in
>> > both directions. But noticing that pattern got me to thinking. Is
>> > there something different about being a man with epilepsy vs a woman
>> > with epilepsy. I'm going to throw a couple of guesses out there, but
>> > I'd be interested in other peoples' ideas or theories. One thought I
>> > had is that men may feel that they need to be "the strong one" in a
>> > relationship, and so being dependent on someone else makes them feel
>> > like they are "less than a man." I've heard several guys here talk
>> > about "what woman would want a relationship with a man who is more
>> > like a child." to paraphrase. Women seem to be better able to accept
>> > help when they need it without having it lower their self-esteem.
>> > Maybe this is a hold-over from the stereotypical roles of the strong
>> > male helping the frail female with the hard things in life.
>> >
>> > If you want to talk sometime, email me privately and I'll send you my
>> > phone number. And just to be upfront, I'm happily married for 26
>> > years and am not looking. ;-)
>> >
>> > Take care,
>> > Tammy
>> >
>> >
>>
>
>
>
>
> [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
>
>
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