Hi Lesly,
Yeah, it's a shame that parents don't get that we're not their property...and that the decisions we make....well most of us....are not a personal attack on them. They seem to forget that they did things too that their parents weren't in favor of....Most parents are stuck in the belief that what we do is a reflection on them, which is farthest from the truth. Yes, they raised us. But what they don't understand is that we are having experiences which are teaching us different lessons. Taking us down different paths of evolving. If we didn't, as a society, do that we'd never have reached the heights we have through invention, spiritually, etc.
My mother recently passed. I have a lot of unresolved issues with her...but I know that they never could have been resolved because she was stuck in a belief pattern. One of the things I'd do for her, while she was living, is listen and accept where she was. I always stayed on my course, mind you, but I listened to hers. It did aggravate her in the beginning, but towards the end she would joke with me about it.
So, when you're having lunch with your mother you don't have to eat if you don't want to eat at that time. Tell her you're not hungry. Assure her you're there because you love her and want to spend time with her. Eating is not what's important, being w/her is. Explain what you're doing and let her know, in a kind tone of voice, that this is important to you and you're going to do it. If it doesn't accomplish your goals you'll stop but this is something you have to work out for yourself. Let her get "it" off her chest...it really won't hurt...smile, nod where appropriate and simply do what you know is best for you. Arguing back with her will only bring up the pain of old resentment that is lingering within. And I found that while someone is yelling at me...and I don't yell back at them....using a calm, kind, and steady tone of voice...I can see more and see it's their issues not mine. Depending on the circumstance I've also asked them this...Why are you yelling? I'm not yelling at you I simply trying to have a conversation with you. It seems to diffuse the situations most of the time. They don't immediately stop yelling, but it's diffused somewhat and will steadily decline...at least that's my experience.
These old patterns are not healthy or any of us. It's time to shed them and do something different, because what we've been doing has probably been why we have these unhealthy relationships with food. I know it will be hard at first but once you stop and start practicing a new and kind approach to change you will shed the fears...at least it worked for me while my mother was with us.
Namaste!
Pamela
I am really angrybecause I just had to have lunch with my Mum. Its a monthly thing that I couldn't really get out of. And its no good trying to explain to a 75 year old what I am trying to do becasue she wouldn't understand and I would have endured 2 hours of earache about what I was doing and that it is a really stupid idea and it wouldn't work.
I am so upset because I had to eat and really didn't want to. Things have been going so well and I just did not want to spoil things.Just felt like a little rant and now I feel better (a bit anyway).
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