Millie thank you for writing.
Of all the books I read I realize that they come from Several thought theories. Some are written by Psychologists, Some are written by Ministers and Pastors and most are gotten from Christian bookstores, then some are New Age thought processes. From some books I found out Dating is a no no. Dating began in 1963 when hippies were shouting make love not war. When people allowed their teens to have cars and drive off unsupervised, the term LOVERS lane came to life because unsupervised young people were driving off in remote places doing things which could not be done while Courting. From the world of Dating thats when Divorces began to spread like Ground Covers and weeds. Going steady was 1940 through 1960 and it didn't amount to much other than short term infatuations which never amounted to Marriage. Courtship was prior to that and was much more serious and the two persons involved were actually being prepared for marriage with the help of both sides of the family and were not left alone to fondle and entice each other. Then I found out Dating is equivalent to One Night Stands and when people date, committment is not part of the deal, its just present day or momentary satisfaction. I guy can date 365 women per year,and not have any deeply committed feelings for her. So the Church folks and pastors in their books suggest Courting. MOdern day new age and psychologists encourage dating. Courthship rarely produces divorce, because those two lear their responsibilities, roles, and have to be well established Spiritually, Emotionally, Intellectually, Physically, and they have to have Compatible Moral Values, Lifestyles and Goals.
I realized men are Sexually driven and women are Romantics at heart. Romance novels and ideas are usually the result of a womans doing. Relationships seem to be short lived because of a lack of Romance and Romance is not related to Sex. People can be romantic without being sexual. Romance is when the two people spending time together can make that time fun, adventurous, special, and it takes some planning to get the atmosphere right, sometimes the music, the food, and everything. Some peoples approach is from Fantasy land, few are thinking realisticly.
I would love to take care of a Senior place. To me Elderly have more respect for Gardens and beautiful landscapes. When I'm doing my garden the music of the Easy Listening artists such as Roger Williams, Liberace,Ray Conniff, Percy Faith, Henry Mancini, Mantovani, Instrumental love songs, Instrumental Hymns, and similar. Seems like when I'm outside with that music and flowers are present and leaves blowing Walt Disneys Fantasia comes to mind. Nature and classical music go together. I sometimes wish that I could find a Pianist who plays music like that and even music like Frank Sinatra, Perry Como, Burt Bacharach, Sammy Davis Jr, Jerry Vale, Jack Jones, Jim Neighbors,Toney Bennett and things like that. Those are the artists which the Senior Citizens grew up with and love. They may be too old for Concert going but a small group of Musicians could travel between Retirement Homes doing just that for those people. Even in Nursing Homes at times.
Someone told me maybe I should get a job as the Landscaper of a certain apt bldg, and then live there on the premise. That way I can be there paying half the rent and my salary would do the rest. One day I'll figure it out, I just have to relocate and find out where I should be
If you want to call me you can at (718) 978-1455.
I speak to Stephen on the phone, Craig also and Avery.
Housekat/ Kevin Knight
--- In epilepsy@yahoogroup
>
> Kevin,
>
> You are interesting. I'd like to talk with you.
>
> I do agree -- some women are possessive and jealous. My ex had a
> cousin who was in charge of a bunch of women at work. He said he
> would much rather work with men. If he talked with one woman
> then others thought he should talk with them also.
>
> What books have you read? Have you found that the books are not
> correct or are they written from the head instead of the heart?
> With 70 books under your belt -- you must have learned a lot. Or
> did you find them incorrect? Did you try different things that
> were suggested?
>
> Do you find that both men and women put on a front while dating or
> before marriage they are one person and after marriage-- either one
> or both or both change. While you are dating you can be great for
> and hour but when you the living together comes about-- you can't keep
> up the facade forever.
>
> Evidently you think they change even while you are learning to know
> them. And I am sure you are correct in many instances.
>
> Now about volunteering:
>
> You have fantastic talents! Don't tell me that there are no older people
> living now. Yes, the people you knew died but where I live we
> are all getting older every day. If I had my own house -- I could
> sure use your services. In fact at the retirement center where I live
> they hire people to take care of the lawns, flowerbeds, bushes, etc.
> They also accept volunteers especially for the summer. In fact we
> have over 500 volunteers for many different jobs here on this campus
> of 1,200 people. In this town there are older people living in their
> homes hoping they can stay there until they die. But they can't take
> care of their lawns.
>
> I took a calligraphy class a few years ago but I never got the knack
> of it. I think it is beautiful.
>
> I bet your home is really well kept and I am glad that you are not
> lonely there. I do a lot of things outside my apt -- so my apt goes
> begging, I am afraid.
>
> Millie
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
> > Women are more willing sure, but men have no place to go. I have searched
> > between NY and LA only to find out men are supposed to bear their burdens
> > and be strong. If a man has a sprained ankle some coaches will let him
> > know, you are a Man not a coward so get in there and play. Men need groups
> > like that TV show Starting Over, I sure do, but none are to be found.
> >
> > We are absolutely afraid of rejection, and growing up, after a few times
> > of being rejected when we are just being our natural selves, then to avoid
> > it, we start trying to figure out, What does she want? Let me see if I can
> > be what she wants, etc... so we wind up actually being Professional Actors
> > who don't just do it according to given scripts but we are actors daily.
> > Women have often thought (by misinterpretation of certain scriptures) that
> > the men are the hunters and the women are to be found (hunted) problem
> > with that is Hunters use Baits, Traps and Lures, just to catch their prey.
> > Once caught no need for any of that so they remove it and you wind up with
> > a different guy than the one you dated. We certainly don't want to be
> > rejected so we have a habit of just trying to morph ourselves into what we
> > think the other person is looking for, in order to avoid rejection which
> > will eventually find its way to us.
> >
> > Be friends with lots of people??? sounds good but what woman would accept
> > a man she has an interest in or likes a lot having many friends. I often
> > run into that problem through the last 3 decades. People are selfish,
> > posessive, and do not like to feel as if their person of interest will be
> > there today and gone tomorrow so he or she seems competetive with other
> > persons. Doing what he or she can to ward off the others, in fear that
> > another person who may just be acquainted with the him or her, in time may
> > become a good friend, special friend or even best friend. Its crazy, but
> > I've read more than 70 books about Relationships, Friendships, Types of
> > Friendships, Dating, Courting, Going Steady, Divorce, the benefits of
> > Divorce, Marriage, ReMarriage, and all the Chaos of relating to the
> > opposite sexes. The most complex goal in the world is to Love someone and
> > be loved equally. We pursue love in the world of Fantasy and are not
> > prepared for the different outcome which Reality sets before us.Its not as
> > easy as movies and tales we've been told make us think. It is very very
> > difficult.
> >
> > Volunteering is good, but only if you can find something of your interest.
> > Back in 1996-2001 I used to do Calligraphy for 4 different schools in
> > Stone Mountain GA. It was wonderful and I got paid by some teachers as
> > much as $350.00 for doing 250 differnt diplomas, awards, honors, etc..
> > Yet, today when computers have more than 2,000 fonts, people don't need
> > that anymore so my skills won't be of good to no one but myself. I used to
> > voluntarily landscape 13 houses on my block that were owned by elderly
> > people I grew up with, yet, they are deceased, gone, new neighbors are not
> > social, and no one around here doesnt need that any more, so I struck out
> > there also. Most of the people I meet are not exactly as much of a cat
> > lover as I am so I can't do what I used to do which was be the attendant
> > of a senior neighbor who was 70 and I was 40, and he had 21 cats. When he
> > was in the hospital he would put his house key in my mailbox which was
> > saying, Take care of my cats for me. So I would play with them, feed them,
> > brush them and they actually bonded more with me than him. He is deceased
> > and the shelter took the cats and a new neighbor is there.
> >
> > Home isn't that lonely. I turn Home into my own world sometimes where the
> > front door is the north pole and back door is south pole. Doing anything I
> > wish, listening to whatever music I want, dancing around the house, eating
> > whatever I think of, not having to be accountable to anyone for every move
> > I make or decision of mine. Home can be a Botanical Garden (the way I
> > usually keep it) or a junk yard, but its all my choosing. Things don't go
> > that way when another persons opinions and feelings have to be considered.
> > One neighbor had a terrible yard,and when she wasn't home I went in,cut
> > the lawn, weeds, dug up some evergreens and hedges and transplanted them,
> > took some flowers from my yard and went to the nursery and bought more.
> > When she came home she didn't recognize her house, but when she figured
> > out that it was me, she gave me full authority over her yard and told me
> > to do anything I want with it and she started to just give me $50.00 per
> > month straight through the year. Things for me have changed,because those
> > people are not here so opportunites also are gone. I still have lots of
> > energy but nothing of my interest to use it on.
> >
> > Signed, Housekat, aka Kevin G. Knight
> >
> >
> > --- In epilepsy@yahoogroup
> >>
> >> Tammy,
> >>
> >> I agree with everything you said.
> >>
> >> 1. I think women are more willing to get help, counseling, or join a
> >> support group. That way they do meet people and with counseling learn
> >> about handles they can use when feeling down or angry.
> >>
> >> 2. I think men are afraid of rejection-- but we are also. If when you
> >> find someone you like - be a friend for quite a while. But be friends
> >> with lots of people. Volunteer doing something that will get you in
> >> contact with people. Don't stay home. Home can be a lonely place.
> >>
> >> 3. If you aren't' married-- join a singles group. At one time I was in
> >> 3 singles groups. Singles groups are not necessarily a place to find a
> >> partner. I was membership director for Parents Without Partners for a
> >> few years. I always told them that this is not a dating group. This
> >> is a place you can go to do something while you are going thru whatever
> >> you are going thru. And if you do find someone -- that is icing on the
> >> cake. Singles groups have dances, discussions, breakfasts, etc. Get
> >> involved!
> >>
> >> If you are married go with your family or find friends to do what you
> >> like to do.
> >>
> >> Millie
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >> > Tom, I was so sorry to read your really down message. You usually use
> >> > your wonderful sense of humor to get through tough times, but
> >> > sometimes that's not enough, I suppose. I'm going by memory as I
> >> > don't have your email attached, but it seems as though your primary
> >> > issue is that you long for a long-lasting partner, someone who loves
> >> > you for the man that you are. Also, it sounds like you feel that no
> >> > one around you understands or cares about how low you are feeling
> >> > right now.
> >> >
> >> > I'm not going to pretend that I have all the answers for you. From
> >> > what I recall, you are a mature adult with a good deal of life
> >> > experience, so my sharing what I have learned about life probably
> >> > isn't anything you don't already know. I will say that sometimes it
> >> > does feel like there is no one who cares or understands, and that is
> >> > a good time to seek out a support group or to get involved with a
> >> > class or volunteer work, something to put you in touch with other
> >> > people and to give you something to focus on, something to look
> >> > forward to. I realized some time ago that I actually enjoy planning a
> >> > vacation as much as I enjoy going on the vacation itself. Having
> >> > something to look forward to can really lift your spirits, so I do
> >> > encourage you to find something that you look forward to doing,
> >> > whether it be something small like a weekly class, or a longer term
> >> > thing like planning to taking a trip six months or a year down the
> >> road.
> >> >
> >> > On the relationship front, I know you have had love interests before,
> >> > and you seem like an interesting person with a great sense of humor.
> >> > I'm sure that there are a lot of women who would be interested in a
> >> > man like yourself. Just put yourself out there in your community. Get
> >> > to know people, even on a casual basis. Being alone just makes
> >> > depression worse, and even getting out and interacting with people on
> >> > a very casual basis can help to lift your mood, even if only
> >> > temporarily. And my guess is that if you do this, eventually you will
> >> > find someone who is interested in you, and vice versa.
> >> >
> >> > One thing I've noticed on this list is that the men here seem to have
> >> > more problems finding or keeping a love interest than the women do.
> >> > Of course, this is just a generalization, and there are exceptions in
> >> > both directions. But noticing that pattern got me to thinking. Is
> >> > there something different about being a man with epilepsy vs a woman
> >> > with epilepsy. I'm going to throw a couple of guesses out there, but
> >> > I'd be interested in other peoples' ideas or theories. One thought I
> >> > had is that men may feel that they need to be "the strong one" in a
> >> > relationship, and so being dependent on someone else makes them feel
> >> > like they are "less than a man." I've heard several guys here talk
> >> > about "what woman would want a relationship with a man who is more
> >> > like a child." to paraphrase. Women seem to be better able to accept
> >> > help when they need it without having it lower their self-esteem.
> >> > Maybe this is a hold-over from the stereotypical roles of the strong
> >> > male helping the frail female with the hard things in life.
> >> >
> >> > If you want to talk sometime, email me privately and I'll send you my
> >> > phone number. And just to be upfront, I'm happily married for 26
> >> > years and am not looking. ;-)
> >> >
> >> > Take care,
> >> > Tammy
> >> >
> >> >
> >>
> >
> >
> >
>
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