The one thing I can recommend is opportunity. It is no different from those without a handicap however the labeling that is received by others who see us often prevents us from enjoying the opportunities of life. The more you can enjoy experiences with your friend and expand what his family has not let him experience, the better.
You have to be safe. Things like swimming or driving have to be done safely. I tried swimming for exercise in a local pool and found myself in the hospital after having a seizure. I ended up in the bottom of the pool. It isn't that you can't enjoy these activities, just make sure others know and you have the lifeguards present. Don't try swimming in a lake or private pool.
The second thing you can do is be there. When coming out of a seizure, there is a lot of confusion like blaming oneself and feeling depressed. Sometimes you aren't were you were when you last remembered things and memory is difficult to recall both short term and long term. Patients is important. Let him get his bearings back and answer questions when he asks them. Being there to make sure he doesn't fall and hurt himself on something sharp is important.
The third suggestion is to keep a diary with your friend. Help him put together a calender that identifies when his seizures occurs and what he was doing before it started. It will be something he can use to help understand what happened or share with his doctor to help get the best treatement.
Another thing is to help monitor the medications taken. I put out my next dose in a cup when I take my night time dose. It tells me in the morning if I missed my previous night time dose and my wife checks when she gets ready for the day to see that I took my dose that morning. If I missed any, she calls me at work and I have some there I can take. Knowing that you are taking your meds regularly and that you have not missed any or of you did, you took them later, gives you a level of confidence that this was not a cause of a seizure. It's too easy to blame that but not a good idea in my opinion. You need to find other patterns to determine the cause of there are any.
Lastly, I would not let your friends seizures get in the way of your relationship. I have often wondered sometimes why my wife married me knowing my handicap. We met in college and when I had a seizure one day in a class, without her, some friends came to her to tell her it occurred. I couldn't imagine that and sticking with the person. She has been devoted to me all the way and I am a very lucky to have such a good friend who sticks with me through thick and thin. This is what your friend needs when he looses touch with reality for these moments. It is a very scary time. I have never seen a seizure myself and am not sure I could return the same devotion so freely. I support everyone who supports people and stays with them when we have these seizures. They are special and I'm sure you will be seen the same way. It could even give you an even stronger relationship than other couples experience who don't have this stress in
their lives. Best of luck.
CBI
--- On Thu, 6/18/09, roebuckavery <roebuckavery@
From: roebuckavery <roebuckavery@
Subject: [epilepsy] Relationships and Epilepsy
To: epilepsy@yahoogroup
Date: Thursday, June 18, 2009, 6:42 PM
First I would like to share with you guys that I am not an epileptic however,I am in full support of the people like you that have this condition and have had your ups and downs with it. My questions is how many of you are married or in serious committed relationships and also how do you keep your relationship or marriage strong along with dealing with you or your spouses epilepsy. This is very important to me because I met a wonderful guy online who has epilepsy and we tried to bond and see if we could get closer and have a relationship. I thought that we would be a regular couple like everyone else "we" just have this condition called epilepsy that we have to deal with from time to time.Unfortunately he had led a very sheltered and dominate life from his parents and family and because he has had it since birth (we are both in our 50's) he was raised as if he was retarded always told what he could'nt do no encouragement or affection. I saw him in
a totally different light he is handsome, very intelligent, and very handy around the house. His seizures are very well under control his problem is the emotional effects of his raisings. I love him dearly and we are still best friends and I miss what we had. But he saw my encouragement as being bossy and pushy because I wanted him to know there's a whole world out there that he's letting get by him without trying to shed all the hurts and pains from his childhood. Has anyone been through this and how did you deal with it? I've tried to let go of him but can't he will always be very special to me forever. All comments welcome.
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