[epilepsy] behavioral sz or just rageor PTSD?

Saturday, June 20, 2009

[epilepsy] behavioral sz or just rageor PTSD?

I came to be diagnosed with epilepsy through the "back door"--for years psychiatrists thought I was bipolar and fed me meds like Lithium< Thorazine, Risperdal--you name it I had it and NOTHING WORKED. One psychiatrist thougt I might just have PTSD because I had a very abusive childhood--my mother BEAT me when I didnt lose weight fast enough to suit her even tho I was in an acceptable weight range medically, she quizzed me every night on my homework and sloshed the textbook around my ears if I answered wromg, and she even abused me sexually. My father was either not present when the abuse took place or he pretended not to motice,
It takes very little to trigger memories of the abuse, but whenever the memory surfaces, my surroundings diappear and its as if I had quantum leapt into the past and sometimes I am about to reply to my mother and then I "wake up" and feel silly about this because of course she isnt there, IS THIS A SEIZURE?Or PTSD?
In 2008 a Hiltler-like psychiatrist put me on Seroquel which made me so shaky on my geet that I could barely walk. I had to go from arm to arm of passers-by to negotiate smooth tile floors. When I said no more and begged him to chamge the meds he threw me out as a patient, finally I got to a good woman in a private practice who obn the first visit suspected that my problems did not just come from bad experiences, She asked me to do some manual dexterity tests which I failed. When she finally got my records there was a record of a CT scan of my brain from 1995 but I didnt even know it existed because it had been done whike I was unconscious from a suicide attempt (pills) after another torture from Ma., and none of my previous doctors had told me about it, It showed a split of fibers in the right temporal lobe and she said this governs emotion and co-ordination(I have some motor co-ordination problems--cant ride bike, drive, roller skate or go downstairs w/out railing for balance)> She then asked me if I ever had had grand mal I said no and that was true but since I was 13 there were periodic shaking spells where I was conscious of what was around me but unable to speak or force myself to move or change position, these lasted 2-3 minutes and were often noise generated or from repeated visual images like a stream of cars on a highway,Usually nobody around me noticed or even if they told me they had seen me appearing odd I just tossed it off saying I had had a scary thought. I had never told any of the previous doctors because I thought that would lead to a declaration of incompetency since it showed that there was something medically wrong in me rather than "blaming all my troubles on experience, and my mother would abuse and control me even more after I would be declared incompetent but now she is dead so I had nothing to lose by telling my present doctor. She said everything she sawand what I told her fit the SPs ep profile but I didnt have the $$$ for real tests. She said tshe couldnt really tell if the vivid memory flashes were PTSD or a symptom of TLE but she urged me to wear a medical bracelet identifying me as havingTLE. It is also noteworthy that DEpakote and Gabapentin woand these are meds for Epilepsy rather than psych disorders.
WHat DO YOU think about the memory vivid flahes, is there any one here who is a TLE and has the same thing? I also have alot of nightmares is this also a TLE symptom? Also is it true tyhat TLE from the right temp lobe can mimic bipolar while left lobe TLe can be mistaken for schizophrenia?
I know this is a very long post, but I am finally emerging from being just a lurker on this list and trying to find real "Brotherhood" and "sisterhood" with others who share my experience medically. Corinna in Florida

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